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Saturday, January 24, 2015

I am only as human as you are. There are things that truly terrifies me - pursuing your dreams, standing up for your rights and staying true to yourself. Simple as it may sound, I only know of one such person that can achieve these three 'morals'. I am not there yet. I am myself, or at least I try to be. But most of you only like me when I am not me, when I come up and entertain you or when I make you happy. That is not me. I require a certain level of intimacy before your happiness becomes my priority. Most of the time, your happiness is none of my business.

I have been slacking out so much because being not-me is an easier alternative to survive in my given circumstance. Be 'two-faced', remember? I detest being a people pleaser by nature. Every time I tell myself "OK, this time I am doing it for myself", and the next moment I start doing what everybody expects of me.

Sit properly. Speak like a girl. Omg stop. Can you behave. Virginity is so darn important (fy, I know you're not one). Nudes are disgusting. Pls, Crystal, gays are gross.
If I ever compile all the things that people say to me to make me conform, you will be disgusted. 

Ironically, I feel more 'tied down' with friends than with H. I feel the need to conform. I feel the need to alter myself, my mind, to your level. It's exhausting. Very unfortunately, I do not have the luxury of time to come up with better points to support my argument, so I will just leave it as it is. My purpose to write is to feel better anyway.

"People only like you for the facade you put up" - I think this is a brilliant insult. You are liked, worshipped even, because you are not you.