Confused

Hmm, I kept using pictures from that day. What if I liked being pretentious, lol.  // This week has been really chaotic, my mind is permanently choked with activities, planning and etc. I worry a lot recently. I have no idea how but I am somehow struck with some kind of bad luck? I am all over Singapore. One hour I'm in school, the next I'm on my heels running to catch the bus home. I forgot that my submission date was today, which normally equates to failing a particular part of a module, but thankfully my teacher worked out a solution for me. *eternally grateful.  I am pretty sure this is the side effect of procrastinating. I absolutely hate this rushy feeling. I still have 2 or 3 datelines to catch before this week ends and I sincerely hope that I can out-do myself.

Nonetheless, this holiday was extremely productive and fruitful; I barely noticed Honwee's absence.  I guess I'll leave you with this, until I find a time more appropriate for blogging.

P/s: I have been obsessed with polo-tee ever since the day Honwee wore it out. Oh the classiness.

Hell Week

 

I'm sorry I cannot be there for you, but I promise you this.
When you walk out that dreadful gate, I'll drown you with the life's little pleasure. I'll bring you home, feed you all the ice-creams in the world, I'll kiss you all over your forehead, and give you the tightest hug. I'll let you hug me until you fall asleep, you liked that right. I buy you food, I'll make you food even.

I'll make it up to you, although it is not really my fault that I cannot be there for you. There are just some pain that you need to go through on your own, but I'll cradle you thereafter. Not a day goes by that I do not think about you. You lived in the spaces of my mind, every corner of the street, every reaction, there is you.

Anything

Anything for your love.

 



 

Something about Sunday that is so darn depressing, whatever you're feeling now, know that I am having it at least 2-10 times worst (depending on how you see it, or how sad you are. Don't be sad tho, *hugs*). I used to dislike Sundays for it is an end to a week. I feel like I have to start all over again. Now, I hate it. Even more so when it is accompanied by the silence, and coldness of the still home. Is it still a home anymore now that it is just four walls? I have to survive this week, to clear everything before Saturday dawn. I want more time.

And that's the thing about time.. it keeps moving along. There is no stopping. Not when you're happy, not when you're sad. It keeps me motivated whenever I am feeling down because "this shall pass". Soon the loneliness will turn into anticipation while I wait by my phone for a "BOOK OUT LO" text from H. That's the highlight of my week, any week.

 

 

Does it feel good?

Declutter

I feel like I've been kissed by a dementor, I hate it when I feel like my very own livelihood is being sucked out from me. I could barely get off the bed this morning, I felt really, really sick. I know I am weak, no thanks to my lousy habits, but this is not one of those times whereby there is a virus in my body.

It is definitely in my head, the virus. My mind is suffocated.

Everything is a mess, so I guess that is my cue to start decluttering. I hate tidying up. The decision to part with certain item, people or memory is just too agonising for me. So much for being sentimental, huh. Now I don't really have a choice, your existence is literally take a toll on me. So to all the people, things and memories that I so unhealthily hogged, prepare your hearts for you are free as of...... the time I start decluttering.

Decluttering commence after I finish my projects. Sigh priorities, sigh.

 

 

Thoughts on Maleficient

I caught Maleficient two weeks ago, thanks to the 'pressure' on social media.

Help

I was trying to sleep when my mum was having a conversation on the phone. I went to put on ear-plugs and hoped she gets the hint.

She did and left the room.
Now all I hear is silence screaming, I want my mummy back.

Jellyfishes

 

I dragged my father, step mother (Stephy) and Honwee to the SEA aquarium yesterday. It was a lot more like a date with Honwee because my dad and Stephy kept wandering off without us. I told Honwee that we might have exchanged roles because they behaved more intimately compared to H and I.

It was a lovely day despite how afraid I am about aquariums crashing and drowning me. It is not uncommon because my father did question me "what if the glass walls crash" without knowing my 'secret' fear.

Honwee was very reassuring about it, "you can swim up what".

Anyhow, I figured that Jellyfishes are my favourite. I'd probably be too intimidated by it, but I liked it. Maybe its it's grace and elegance. Maybe its how carefree it swims. I don't really know. All I know is that I liked it, and my fascination grows by the second.

I need to take a break now, because the sky is getting too dark for my own good.  Goodnight, friends.

Stupid beings

 

I am on a special set of instructions whereby I am required to pen down whatever I feel and not be bothered with it until Honwee can come home, sit down and discuss how I feel with me. It has been proven that I am no longer capable of being left alone with my train of thoughts.

This is what happens when you give your all to people and they fuck with you. I spent late nights doing reports and presentation slides only to be accused of being selfish. So done with the semester, because fuck you.

 

What am I doing

Not my picture, obviously.

Feeling rather uninspired lately, losing touch with everything.
I haven't took a decent picture which does not include my face for weeks.
I am dying, my soul is dying, can you feel it?

Being busy is too much of a comfort zone for me.
I need to get out,
I need to breathe.

We are ONE

We had a little cake for our first month, and that was the only time we celebrated a monthsary. Somehow, we decided that we too should have a cake for our anniversary. The lighting was in our favour, so we took a lot of pictures of us eating the cake.

I liked how our celebration turned out. Initially it was more of our usual date, then it turned out really good because we went to buy a lot of good food home. We were pigging out like we always did. Although I always feel that studying was what brought us together, but I think food was the sole factor that grew our friendship. Thank-you beeb for not abandoning me when my appetite decreased drastically. I will attempt to increase my appetite again and go on more food trips together. I can imagine your beaming face now.

 

Oh God, we are one. How quick was that?

Dinner x stephy

My own library of scent that my dad brought back from some duty-free shop while going to China. My dad and stephanie (step mum's new name, so cute, but I'm calling her stephy here cuz it's cuter) bought me a lot of new things. EOS lipbalm (aww I always wanted that), perfume, more bracelets, eyeshadow platte that I doubt I would use and.. A lot more.

It felt like my birthday.

Which means to say I met my step mum recently!! She's a lovely woman, and she is so petite. She told me she gained a lot of weight from pregnancy but I honestly couldn't tell.

I had a great dinner with my dad, stephy and H last week. Can't wait to see all of them again!! Except for Honwee, I want to see Honwee NOW.

Sian sia

In the midst of having exams, be back in t w o days.

Pain is inevitable

"Sometimes suffering is just suffering. It doesn’t make you stronger. It doesn’t build character. It only hurts. "


But I'd kiss you where it hurts,
until my lips sore and bleed.

The other time I looked really tanned, and I liked it.

Gold

"Tell me where it hurts," you gently pressed against my back until I let out a subtle groan. "You need to stretch you lower back so it doesn't hurt so much, come let me help you" without a warning you pulled my hands back and violently pushed it upwards. You only let me go after I shrieked in pain. "Okay, I know, just do this". I was not entitled any reaction time, oh boy was I glad I didn't have any time to react. The next moment, all I felt was your chest against my back, and your arms around me. I laughed at your foolishness, but I fall a little deeper for your little mischief. 

 

 

Thank you, 
for all the little time you saved for me. You are gold.