Here, kitty kitty

I was trying to fill up my time meaningfully when I chance upon this book, I love the perspective of this ordinary little cat. People read the title, "I am a cat", out loud whenever they see me holding this book. It is quite a funny scene, don't you think?

Today marks the second day I stayed up to finish my work. It's official, friends, I'm in the process of becoming a workaholic. I don't understand why I am getting adrenaline rush from creating PowerPoint slides????

 

 

 

Hmmm, I can't wait for the weekend to arrive, I want to take a cat nap.

Hollow horror

I can still feel your warmth on my skin. 
I can still hear your whisper, "please don't cry" 

I remember. 
I kept it in, bury it deep.

I am not crying. 
I am just hollow. 

I sit here, in the wrath of heat. 
I battle the feeling of insignificance. 

I fight for my value in life. 
I fight to be something without you. 

Lines

That's all I see now, lines, edges and textures. I am so in love with the world a designer gets to live in. It's unfair, so brutally unfair. In the midst of my obsession with the littlest detail that is not tainted by my mind's subconscious labeling, I've found freedom in living. You're a line, a dark smooth line that puts the link between heaven and hell. Maybe that's what living is all about, a stretch of time. You get to choose whether to be bold, interesting and vital, or do you prefer to merely exist. I've drawn sketches and sketches during the perspective studies class and most of them consist of mere thin lines. I think that's how we are. We merely just exist, until of course we decided to get together, side by side to form something bigger.

For now, I want to lead my life bold and full.

Thursdays' sleep in

I've always loved Thursdays. It is sleep in day, it is drawing day. I like drawing, art and all that nonsense, so much so that I might be in the wrong course. My drawing teacher is this woman who doesn't sugarcoat her words. She doesn't go one big round to tell you gently that you are wrong, she raise her voice almost in frustration "aiyo what you doing! You're doing it wrong already isn't it?" then she pick up your pencil and show you the steps. I love it.

Drawing is one of those modules that is very difficult to tell whether you're doing it right or not, but she is clear and precise. You'll know what you're not right after she gone through it with you.

I learnt a bit about art when I was in secondary school when they had trainee teachers coming in to teach us art. It was one of the more exciting art classes because boo yeah, no more designing of Chinese New Year card and crap that teachers asked us to do so as to kill time. The class and I attempted many things such as pastels coloring and 'The Scream'. Yes we tried to draw 'The Scream'. I saw some of my teachers' artwork and I was thoroughly impressed. They were in their twenties and have just completed art schools, but they drew like they have been drawing since 5.

I wished I can learn more, pastel colours, charcoal drawing, typography, photography. Sigh, why did I pick the safest route to uni? Why didn't I even think about design school?

First impressions, and pleasing people

I love how everybody fits in nicely, well not everybody, but that's okay. I like to follow this group of girls to lunch every school day. Nobody was a replica of anybody, everyone just fits in. "You seem like the girl that is the happy-go-lucky kind", not exactly, I just do not care about all the minor things that happen in life.

I like to know. Who is an asshole, who had sex, who got together, who likes another person, who cheated. There is no wrong in knowing. I don't judge you for the little things you did and regret (or don't). There is no wrong with sex. There is no wrong with loving somebody. You can still sit next to me or grab my arm even if the night before you had a steamy affair with somebody you are not supposed to. Unless you are Honwee. If you are Honwee, I'd kick your manhood. But Honwee would never do that.

You don't exactly have to be morally right for me to befriend you. If I like you, I like you. I don't like people because they are Jesus.

Then again,
I sub-consciously go around to please everybody. I wished everybody liked me. I wore my crop top + jeans the other day to school and a lot of my classmates were very surprised. They gave me faces and called me "sexy ah". It felt really uncomfortable, but it was just my tummy. I never wore it again. I told myself that I will never reveal too much of anything again. Then I got really sad, because I like clothes. I like clothes that cover everything, I like clothes that show you a little more of me. Clothes are good.

Yesterday night, I come to a realisation that I do not have to please anybody. I am still the same person that subtly insult everybody on the whatsapp group (with humour, of course), I am still the same person who couldn't understand what the teacher was trying to say.

 

Will you still think of me the same way if I wasn't the same? Why does it bother you so much that I do not behave the certain way YOU expect me to?

Mooooonnnnnnnnnddddddaaaaaaaayyyyyyy

Because it's a super long Monday.

I dread it so much. Having the responsibility to wake up and participate in school makes me sick. I really wish I'm back in secondary school whereby the t'chers spoon feed me so much I don't even have to try too hard to pass a test. I am usually fine with doing work. Perhaps it's the cold weather or the absences of Honwee... I just want to crawl in bed and disappear for awhile.

I can't wait for Friday already.

Food day

I had a weekend staycation at H's and was awoken up by him with a peck on my cheek (he was sleeping in another room, if you're v e r y concerned). It was an exciting morng because his family and I went to get the ingredients needed for the cookies the night before.

H coaxed me out of bed and got me to clean up while he made us (his sister and I) some biscotti. Not from scratch of course, he is still pretty much a boy when it comes to the kitchen (not that I'm any better, haha). But I liked the fact that b'fast was served to me freshly warmed up by my army boy.

We spent a few good hours mixing, baking and cleaning. I'm extremely proud of us. From noobs to newbies, I loved how far we've come.

It is intensely heartwarming now as I sit here and watch my cookies rest while I sip on the ribena my pretty boy made.



This must be how paradise feels like.

Kets

Sum kets r moar eekquail ten de artthous. // king of TP, so much buzz about Bussy (I learnt that other students call it Bussy because it's always at the bus-stop) lately. Pun unintended. Happy Friday!

Bae

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MDlS0plzT3k

Looking for misery
But she found me
Lying naked on the floor
(Stay away, sweet misery)

// I listened to The Maine a lot when I broke up with my ex-boyfriend, and I think it kinda got me through. Life has been sweet and fruitful, coming back to this song help me realise how far I've come. Thank you, The Maine.

Furbz

That day that furball didn't want me to attend school. She got so agitated when she couldn't feel me beside her so she made sure that she sat right next to me. And when I attempt to get up (from wearing my shoes), she throw herself at me so I would have to carry her to school too.

It doesn't happen much nowadays, we don't cuddle each other in midst of the Sun's wrath, we don't play with each other, she is not very much bothered if I was going out. I guess I only have time management to blame for upsetting my lil' furkid.

Today on, more walks, less talks ok?

Sweet child

Your heart is made of gold, 
how dare you tell me you're not beautiful. 

 

I've met wonderful people.
People whom love everybody else, but themselves. 

 

Why do you keep doing that? 
You're the sweetest child I've ever met. 

Runaway Girlfriend

Today I waited for H to accidentally drift into deep slumber (11pm was way past his bed time hahaha) before I stole his keys, snuck out of his house with Cocoa.

H likes sending me home, well I don't think he likes it, but he hates the idea of me walking down the streets alone at an hour like this.

On the other hand, I hate it when H goes the extra mile to send me home and walk back to his place. It is sweet but extremely exhausting to walk for another 15-20 minutes with fatigue weighing you down. I do not wish my sleepyhead to wander the streets with his energy level at 1%.

It was not easy sneaking out of his place because H drifts in and out of slumber, and I can hardly keep anything from him. So he kept asking me "why do you have that cheeky face on you, what did you do?" when he wakes up all of a sudden. I tried my best to pull off my oscar winning act, and managed to pacify him back to sleep.

I think it is a fun experience although I think H would now put his guard up against his sneaky little girlfriend. No POP picture because NDU says so, but I might post a picture of the oscar selfie with H and his family soon.

Till then!

With the winds

They are in season right now, have been spotting them all over Singapore. How have I not noticed them before?

Sometimes I like my tummy, sometimes I like my tummy under layer and layer of clothes.

The mid-week greatness

A picture of my silly wally before her haircut to cheer up your Wednesday morning!!

I think my classmates and I are settling in well. We are already segregated to groups, or should I say they, because I follow random groups around. *am I weird?

Anyhow, I like the combination of people this year. Everybody seems, and proved to be,
so capable without being over demanding. The workload is currently still manageable, but I'm far behind on task and knowledge! I hope to pick up my speed soon because... I want to go to uni too!

Netball trials re-opened this Saturday? IS THIS A SIGN FROM GOD? IS THIS HIS WAY OF TELLING ME THERE IS ALWAYS A CCA FOR ME????

On a lighter note;
H just finished his 24km March, not sure how he fair, he merely came back texted me goodnight and drift of to deep slumber. Going to attend his POP tomorrow, hoping to capture great moments for him and his family. :)

I SEE YALL AGAIN K. Need to go to sch now :(

The One

I know I am too young to say this.
We are always too young, aren't we?

Honwee is The One for me. I know being attached at such young age takes me off the market and ability to try out new things etcetera. I honestly will not be bothered by Thought Catalog's articles on how singles are happier wtv nonsense. I'm so happy with this relationship that I do not need Thought Catalog to dictate it. I'm one of the lucky few that managed to find somebody you know you belong to within my third try in the whole relationship game. It is not even those relationship you know you connect with somebody, have that spark, chemistry or even if he/she gives in to your every demand. I know we are going to be together for a very long time.

If H and I had any argument at all, it will resolve once we see each other and how broken we both are. It breaks my heart, actually it feels like my heart got shredded into pieces whenever I see how genuinely affected Honwee can be. It sucks so bad when I see his face so torn over whatever I've said. I want to hug him and tell him I am sorry. On top of that, Honwee never leaves. N E V E R. If you ever had an argument with a bf and he walked off on you, YOU KNOW HOW BAD IT FRIGGIN HURTS. That S.O.B better come back and kiss my foot if he intend to continue this relationship... but Honwee NEVER leaves, not even once. He doesn't walk away even if I asked him to, no pusher is strong enough to push this one away because he is too determined to work things out with his girl.  

And he loves me. He really, really do. 
I wanted to join school's modern dance, but couldn't make the cut. I pout a bit, blamed it on my non-existence experience in that field. BUT no, Honwee doesn't let it go, he know his girl want to learn how dance. So he initiated for us to go learn it together when he completes army. CAN YOU IMAGINE HONWEE DANCING?!?! I can't. I honestly can't. I started crying when I knew he meant it. 19 years on Earth, I never had that kind of support and encouragement from anybody, not even my parents. My parents never had excess cash for me to pick up anything. As I grew up I was too embarrassed to request to learn anything. I don't think you can fathom how much it means to me to have somebody moving out of their comfort zones with me to pursue what I have been secretly dreaming of. Whatever I want, he would go out and achieve it with me. I once mentioned about being an air stewardess, he replied "then I shall be the pilot".   

Nobody... I repeat, nobody has ever loved me beyond such extend. There is nothing Honwee wouldn't do, if I wanted him to....... and there is nobody else I can ever fall in love with again without having him being compared to Honwee. He spoilt the market, nobody else will ever truly win Crystal's heart, not even if you had all the credit cards in the world for me to spend. I might love money, but I love Honwee more. 

To love her or not

Sometimes I wished I was more equal to you. Sometimes I wished you see the things I hid from you.

"I don't want to know,"
You don't want to know anything bad, if I was bullied in school, or having issues with school work. I could be having cancer and you still wouldn't want to know. That was how I was taught to live, "if you don't know, it doesn't exist". I could be dying, but you would only choose to know and believe when I truly passed on.

I feel more alone than I should be, but you tell everybody. "I am always there for her", what's the right way then, to love a child. To cradle her when she's sick, or leave her alone to save up for a trip to the doc's? I don't know which is which anymore, and I wished I would not bring about the same mistake to my own kid.

-

“I am trying to see things in perspective. My dog wants a bite of my peanut butter chocolate chip bagel. I know she cannot have this, because chocolate makes dogs very sick. My dog does not understand this. She pouts and wraps herself around my leg like a scarf and purrs and tries to convince me to give her just a tiny bit. When I do not give in, she eventually gives up and lays in the corner, under the piano, drooping and sad. I hope the universe has my best interest in mind like I have my dog’s. When I want something with my whole being, and the universe withholds it from me, I hope the universe thinks to herself: "Silly girl. She thinks this is what she wants, but she does not understand how it will hurt.”