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Under the weather

Monday, October 13, 2014
It's one of those morning that started eons ago, and you still cannot make up your mind if you're feeling okay. I couldn't decide how I was feeling so I didn't want to step out of my fort. I have no plans for the rest of my holidays other than going to and fro the hospital and work, I see it as a waste of time. I just want to enjoy myself for the last week of holidays but if I do so, it would be seen as unfilial. I have no idea when did I start to care so little for the family.. so disgustingly little.

I was concerned, but nobody seems to care that I'm around. Adults asked me to get out of the ward so that they could come in (they have this odd 4 people max thingy at the hosp). My grandfather requested silly things from me like taking the tubes out of his body for him, which technically would have ended his life. AND THEN getting angry at me for not obeying him.

I was asked to do this, do that, register this, complete that. When I stayed over to make sure my grandmother is doing fine, she told me "he is going to die". I was too busy to even think about death, and that honestly broke me, but I HAD to be strong because she isn't, and nobody in the family wants to risk having both grandparents staying in the hospital.

HW's graduation was like a runaway from reality.
And right now, I have to do this alone, again.