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10th Year

Monday, January 25, 2016

Hello, just in case you need to remember how I look like – barefaced. Sorry, I had to angle my face to make it look slimmer. Anyhow, to be really honest, I have a few entries on draft but I just don't know how to piece it together. After writing for a good 10 years (oh god), I actually forgot how to start an entry or write anything? Sometimes I feel that it's the paper chase that dull all my senses on all the things I used to enjoy. I was so petrified when my friends told me to draw a comic for our project, my hands were shaking. I haven't drawn anything for the longest time ever. Not that I am a very good artist or anything, it's just one of my hobbies.

I haven't got to read anything too, that's bad. And you know that's bad when you have to thesaurus for new words because your project has proved that your vocabulary is severely under capacity. Hmm... right now, all my friends are planning courses for university and I think.... I am taking a gap year. Well, I haven't given much thought on it yet, if I dwell any longer I might gouge my eyes out. It has been immensely stressful, I am very sure all those transiting into university/college are. I just don't know what I want to do in life. It's not like I haven't confronted myself with this question. There are times I sit in the bus thinking for the entire 30 minutes ride to school what I should be doing in the future.

Complaining always takes this certain positive energy right out of me. So I refuse to continue. Let's go for something lighter! Since like I mentioned, it's my 10th year writing (ever so unimpressively), I shall show you WORST writings. The oldest entry I could get is from 2009.. so I apologise if it is not embarrassing enough for you, I'll try my best to dig for cringe-worthy entries.



2009, May
"Blogging is getting boring. Maybe due to some geeky genes in my acting. Try to cut out the emotional thing that I wanted to blog. But Crystal cannot attract attention okay? :3 Heh.

2009, July – ok I cringed at this!
"So, I go to pub @ the age of 13. And no one caught me. ^^"

2010, Jan – it's as tho I didn't grow
"I'm very happy for _____! Lao niang help get number one leh, so I helped. So, YAY, Crystal rocks man, like whoo. "

2010, Dec – Boom, english no more. 
"I think my money will be like BOOOM. No more. 

2011, Dec – ah, this is nostalgic 
"THIS.  IS.  SO.  EXCITING. 
SHOW YOU HOW BADLY/WELL I'VE DONE TOMORROW. 
Hope till then I would still have that 'face' to tell you my results. 
ANTICIPATION IS KILLING ME. 
Why must it be 2:30 PM and not AM? 
#talkingtomyself. "

2012, Jan – actually I still talk like that now in 2016, and ah, a convenient excuse that I still use at this age.
"Ooh, crashing syndrome, aka, the-hype-after-being-really-tired-and-probably-crashing-into-a-coma-after-the-hype. Hello my fellow no-life readers, I bet you all are here because you all had nothing to do and suddenly "ding", you remembered me. Or maybe you're just a faithful reader. (That would be really sweet) " 

"So, school has started, which explains my disappearance from cyberspace."




That's enough cringing for a day, I've come to realise that my style has always been this chirpy little imp blabbering away coupled with a few badly taken selfies (ah... it still is.. *refers to current entry) that I honestly thought was model-worthy *sobs fat tears* I hope the years hadn't erode my youth and chirpiness away, and also maybe it's time to realise that I do need time to take care of myself, to indulge in the things that once bring me joy. These are just today's thoughts, I don't know what tomorrow will bring, so... goodnight! 

Love, c.t.