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First step

Saturday, April 11, 2015

Ah the shame of an overly-filtered image.
"Maybe she's born with it, maybe its the instagram filter"

Anyhow, I just concluded my very last (basic) dance class. I am free to join the open class now that I am -kinda- better than I used to be. I don't know if I've shared this but picking up dance (AT TWENTY YEARS OLD?!) was the most terrifying baby step I've ever made. I never knew how much dance meant to me until I joined Inco – self-formed/taught dance crew consisting of a group of good friends. D, our 'leader', was very much into dance at that point. We were (well, used to) good friends and I was very inspired by him.

For reasons that I've long forgotten, the whole team got disbanded. I suppose studies and the reality of the education caught up? We weren't the brightest in Anderson, you see. We had a teacher, Ms V, who so kindly volunteered to give us classes before we go for our "dance prac". But I guess we just weren't academically good enough to fight for a modern dance CCA in school.

I was never a good dancer. I move awkward. My long limbs made it a lot worst, especially because I have such lazy hands. I remember watching myself dance in a video recorded by my friend, and I wanted to bury my head in the sand or wherever possible.

INITIALLY, MY FRIENDS ALL LAUGHED AT ME. R even bet that I would chicken out. However, under G's constant nagging, I forced myself up to the counter and paid for my basic course.  Pay means cannot chicken out liao ma. $130 leh. When I keyed in my pin number on that machine I knew the hardest part was over. Second hardest was to turn up, but money meant too much for me to just skip the course entirely.

I don't know why I made it sound like I am achieving my life-long goal when others do it on a daily basis. You must understand 1) I sucked at dancing. 2) I am 20?! 3) I was afraid of how people might think. Like you know.. a horse trying to be a unicorn. I am very happy I completed the course anyway, I've learnt so much and is more determined to be physically fit so I could utilise the correct muscles for the correct moves. Yes, and of course I will put myself at the counter more often to go for their open classes or other dance courses. Now when I do that, I do it with no fear.

If you have read this far, I say to you, go forth and chase your horizon. We only have 1 life to make things right. Regrets weight tonnes heavier than the fear you're currently experiencing.

Three cheers for big dreams and even bigger guts to follow them. Till then, be kind to yourself. c.t.