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Monday, August 18, 2014

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His face changed when he saw my search history, 
I don't think he expect me to seek death. 

I didn't die in the end, 
but I don't think it mattered. 

He looked back at me and smiled like he didn't read it. 

I hate it. 

I hate how he avoid things,
I wished he told me how much it hurt him,
that it wasn't fair for him if I die. 

No, he is the 'perfect' boyfriend,
he never gets angry. 

So he brought me out under the sun,
hoping it remedies whatever that is broken inside me. 

I haven't had so much fun in weeks,
but I am still me, nothing was fixed.
I learnt in psychology that people always return to this fixed degree of happiness.
I think mine is permanently below par.  

Do you think it is unfair for me to cling on to Honwee for dear life when I'm in this state of uncertainty. 

If I die tomorrow, it will not be anybody's fault but mine.
It is not fair to him.