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Little me

Tuesday, April 1, 2014
I was going through my twitter archive of my old acc and realised how young x foolish I was. Reminiscing how it used to be like waging a tweet/blog war with one of my closer friends. Our choice of words and meaningless bicker are hilarious. Here's a letter to my 14 years old self. (I actually have a picture of my pre-braces self!! SO BRACE YOURSELF - pun intended)


Dear 14 y/o Crystal,
your chinese name is difficult to pronouce, but it sounds great. No doubt 'Crystal' is a more comfortable name to go by. You will realise how special your name is when your bf's grandma calls you "zi yin". Don't ever give up trying to pronounce your name to a third party who does not speak in mandarin, it is difficult for them to even pronounce 小明-'xiao ming'.

Don't be ashamed for being tall, I know this is the phrase in time whereby you feel that you have to be smaller to match your crush's height, but I assure you, if he loves you as much as you do, he wouldn't mind dealing with his insecurities and date you. Although five years later, you will have issues with being 'too tall', but you no longer find a need to make yourself look shorter when taking pictures with a group of friends whose average height is 160cm. You'll learn in time that the pretty models you adore are around your height. You'll also learn that your height is one of the main reason you don't have to go through a lot of short-term relationships with everybody because I know you fall in love too damn easily.

Don't go looking for him, don't google their horoscope to find if it matches you. Silly girl, it is okay to be single! You had a lot of fun being single, you'll join the chingay parade twice and know friends that brighten up your life. And as your 17 y/o self would know, you don't have to find him, he walks right into your life.


Let go of people who hurts you, I know how daunting it is to face the uncertainty alone. Leave, because if he would lay his hands on you once, he is going to do it again. Love yourself enough to not be at somebody's finger tips, love yourself enough to walk away. It is not going to be easy but I promise you, when you do that, you'll find somebody whom will teach you how love is suppose to be. He will walk you through your toughest period in life, and you'll understand why none of your previous relationships didn't work out.

Don't ever cut bangs, it is not cute on you. Period.


You will meet special people later on in life which makes your world sparkle like stars you see in Bishan Park 4 years down the road, don't let them go, don't leave them on impulse, don't give up on them just because they haven't found themselves. They are build to perfection with flaws you love and hate. It is tempting to feel that they are "not perfect enough" to be your best friends, but they are, because you were never that perfect yourself.

Some point in your life... you make mistakes, don't beat yourself up for it. When you take up a part-time job, you'll realise it is all about correcting and learning from mistakes instead of feeling remorseful and apologetic. In this world, "sorry" does not make up for anything, it is just a confession for your mistakes, what is more important is that you make up for it. You break a cup, you buy a new one. That's it. "Sorry" doesn't fix a cup.

Cliche but true, always be yourself. Some people love you even though you're seen as the craziest bitch in the class. I can vouch for that, or at least yx can. Still so friggin' huggy although I practically rage the entire class.


Last but not least, love yourself. You have no idea how much it will mean to yourself. Love every inch of your skin, don't tear yourself open, don't bleed, don't starve, don't underestimate your capabilities. One day somebody will tell you that you can do well in O's and go for the poly course that you truly desire, believe him, because it will happen. Stop doubting yourself. I'm telling you now that 6 months before your O's you are going to fail Math, Science and Humanities, even on the easiest topics. But you will do well anyway. Trust yourself, child. You are going to need it.

5 years from now.