Top Social

Promise to be happy?

Friday, March 14, 2014

I think people whom are leaving and tells you to "be happy" without them are damn selfish. "Promise me, you'll be happy", damn friggin selfish. You can be dying or just met somebody better but don't rob me of my chance to sad, to be miserable for awhile to cope with this loss. It's my prerogative.

I know some people just meant well, but it's damn.... ruthless and cruel. I can't feel any sadness just so you can feel better? 


Initially when my parents divorced, my father would pick me up once in a blue moon to go out. Theme park or wtv, when we had our fun, he would send me back. I, being really young then, usually cried for a long while before I allow him to send me up. Most of the time he would tell me "I buy you something you cannot cry anymore ok?" to pacify me. Most of the time I obliged because I know he needs to be home too. BUT THATS JUST SAD. Daddy, am I not allowed to miss you? (p/s: my relationship with my father is perfectly fine, just stating an example


Thankfully, Honwee never did that with me, I always told him that I should be allowed to feel what I feel because I am but only human. When he was leaving for army, he suggested buying me a plushie so I can hug it when I miss him. I told him, that I would still cry with or without that plushie that it's not going to stop me from missing him. He didn't change his gentle smile, he simply replied "ya, but you can hug the plushie and cry". 

I think he made it better, because I had two full days to mull about the absences of my beloved bf by the third day I'm totally out of my cave. By the fourth day, which is today, I went out and meet-up old friends for steamboat. I still miss him, but I am not upset about it anymore. If I were told to not be sad, I think I would at least need a week because suppressing such emotion takes up a lot of my energy and it would probably push me into a dangerous state of mind. 


I don't really know how to conclude such entry, so I am going to leave it as it is and you decide for yourself if it is truly selfish or not.