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Saturday, February 1, 2014
Honwee brought me back home today. His really nice parents brought us all out to have lunch together at a restaurant. It was really pleasant, I haven't had a meal with a family for years. I couldn't stop smiling because they had little jokes here and there, it was never really quiet. I crave that kind of warmth again.

I brought Honwee home too, I even brought him to meet my grandparents. Honwee liked my grandfather because my NGF (naughty grandfather, he refer himself as that) was constantly teasing me. And he has happy vibe. I love my family. My parents, my grandparents even the relatives that stopped asking me to visit them. I do not know exactly what happened between the adults, or why is my mum so isolated. But I know there might be something to do with me. And even though I love them to bits, I dislike the culture.

Why is everybody so calculative? I told Honwee that I can recognise which angpow was from whom because I was trained to. I'll religiously report to my mum "this one is from yiyi, got $4 " (imagine a 5 year old kid say that). The next lunar new year, my mum will then prepare the exact amount that the person gave me. I don't think my mum was wrong, I think somebody taught her that, and it goes on. Like this sickening culture I am in. Honwee told me there is no such thing within his family, new year is all about waiting for food.

My grandfather is the second person to tell me that my sibling might hinder my way to university. And I srsly hate that piece of shit information. I love my sibling so don't tell me I can't go to university cuz my father wouldn't be able to pay, I'LL WORK MY WAY THROUGH IF I HAVE TO. End of story. No worries lil one. I love you, even if the whole world expects otherwise.

I wish, as of now, I'll have better judgement, to have better morals and culture. I'll leave this pathetic way of life, as of right now. I don't need abundance, I only need 'just right'.